pondwilliams:

“You know the song already?”
“Of course I do. Everyone knows the song. It’s amazing.”

moremoemaiyi:

freddybenson:

fun things to do at school with your friends:

• burn it down to the ground

what friends

tommarvolohiddles:

mandatoryupgrades:

Anyone who thinks Shakespeare is boring apparently missed the greatest stage direction ever written:

I want that to be the final line of my biography.

let’s not forget about this gem from macbeth

best-of-funny:

termsofenragement:

Corporate social media accounts just remind me of this:

X

thankengine:

thankengine:

i figured out how to request money on paypal

my mother just called and she didnt even say hello she just said no

llamacorn-king:

colonelbaronpontmercy:

llamacorn-king:

colonelbaronpontmercy:

an AU where Dr. T. J. Eckleburg had anime eyes

The eyes of senpai are watching you

sirseahorse:

stabsinthe:

if gatsby wrote a letter to nick it would be addressed to “old sport” because i firmly believe gatsby doesnt know nicks name

#it’s at that awkward phase where it’s too late to ask him

those albums that you can listen to straight through without skipping any songs

oh-shit-krios:

oh-shit-krios:

i think my parents are trying to have sex. All I can hear is mY MOTHER SAYING “WHOSE MY HEFTY MAN” 

PLEASE GOD I’M TOO YOUNG TO EXPERIENCE THIS KIND OF EMOTIONAL SCARRING.

update: she was talking to my cat.

twelvejammiedodgers-andafez:

on a scale of one to invade russia in the winter

how bad is your idea

oldmanhoho:

you know you’ve made a good pun when everyones immediate response upon hearing it is “shut the fuck up”

sumfloweroses:

but soft

what grunge through yonder window breaks

pimpabra:

frickingjade:

basicperfectionist:

nipplebutt:

this is unacceptable 

HOW DARE YOU

THAT LEMON WANTS TO BE A LIME YET YOU WANT TO TELL IT THAT IT’S CHOICE IS UNACCEPTABLE??

CHECK YOUR FUCKING PRIVILEGE

those are kiwis

Tumblr in a nutshell

literallythis:

screamingcrawfish:

alphaqueer:

daysturnedtoweeks:

When guys have a bath, does their penis float or sink?

i was going to answer this but i’ve been sat here for a good two minutes and i can’t fucking remember

go take a bath what are you doing science is on the line motherfucker

it sinks it’s fucking full of blood what do you expect it to do perform acrobatics like fucking shamu